Everything
by weatheredlaw
Summary: Sawyer doesn't know the first thing about Ben as they talk about love, sex, and brunettes.


**A/N:** People are yelling outside my dorm. I hate that.

**Summary:** "You think I've never been in love?" "I know you haven't." "You don't know the first thing about me." Ben and Sawyer talk about love, sex, and brunettes.

**Everything**

He was a leaky faucet, constantly being tightened and then broken. The world around him was falling apart. Bleeding, he leaned against the tree, rope tight around his chest. They could do whatever they wanted to him: beat him, cut him, threaten to kill him. _Goodbye Benjamin._ How many times had she said those same words Locke had uttered not too long ago. Sighing, he shot a look at his current body guard.

"I apologize for tormenting you James. I'm under a lot of stress right now."

"Shut the hell up."

"I understand how you feel about her, I suppose. Love is complicated."

"What would you know about love?"

"You think I've never felt it?"

"I know you haven't." Sawyer turned and fixed Ben with a steady gaze, but the older man was an expert at gazes and was not intimidated.

"You don't know the first thing about me."

_December 19, 1976_

They stood, nose to nose, right under the mistletoe. "Where'd you get this?" he asked quietly. She giggled, choosing to keep it a secret. She was like that, always hiding little things from him so she could surprise him later. A candy bar. Peppermint. Gum. A cassette. Mistletoe.

"Are you going to kiss me or not, Benjamin Linus?" He blushed and looked at his ratty shoes. "Don't make me do it first." He looked into her eyes, seeing the fiery mischief locked away there.

"Okay." He closed his eyes and leaned close to her, smelling the soap on her skin, the scent of her lip balm. He placed his lips lightly over hers and they held themselves there for just a moment. Her mouth parted slightly and she kissed him back. They pulled apart.

"Not too hard, right?" He nodded. She had held the mistletoe over their heads and now brought her arm down. "'Night Ben."

_Present_

"Puppy love," Sawyer muttered. "You were ten. Hard to imagine."

"Yes, I know. Most people think I just crawled from the ocean and took up residence here. But I was born, just like you. I was young. A long time ago. For a short time." Sawyer shook his head.

"What was her name?" Ben looked at the ground. Sawyer scoffed. "Huh. Can't even remember your own girl's name?"

"Annie," he said quietly. Sawyer looked up to make sure he wasn't imagining the weakness he saw. But it was there. He hadn't forgotten the name. It was breaking his heart. "Her name was Annie."

"She was your girl?"

"She was my girl," Ben said, looking past Sawyer and into the trees. "If that's how you'd like to put it."

"What'd she look like?"

"Sometimes I don't remember...but she had brown hair. Almost plain. but it was...it was very long. Long and straight."

"I like curls."

"I know you do."

"Guess we got somethin' in common."

"And what's that?"

"We both fell for brunettes."

_May 4, 1980_

She always laid her hair over his face like a curtain, letting him blow it out of the way or part it down the middle. It was long, near her waist. He liked it like that. It was late one night as they sat in the dark of his room, laughing and trying to muffle their voices. "Shh," he said, pulling her down and covering her mouth with his. "Annie, shh."

"Kiss me again." He complied. "Again. Again. Again." She muttered this word over and over as he kissed down her neck and shoulders, nosing her bra strap out of the way and running a thumb around the dip in her collar bone. She shivered. "Again." He sucked there quietly and ran his tongue down her skin, he hands moving lower and lower until his fingers rested lightly between her legs. Her eyes opened wide and she stared at him. He blushed and moved his hand away.

"I-I'm sorry." She grabbed his wrist and pushed his hand back.

"It's okay," she whispered, leaning close to his ear and running her tongue along the skin behind it. He shook lightly and moved his fingers. She moaned, hovering between rational thought and ecstasy. Their breath was quick and labored, eyes glazed over with lust. Her skin and her voice were perfect and he was blind without her. He wasn't entirely sure what he should do with his hand, but she seemed okay so he continued. Suddenly she gasped and tensed, then relaxed, sliding down and into his neck, panting. "Ben."

_Present_

He didn't go into too much detail about the night. Just that their relationship was always very physical. Sawyer understood. "Didn't know you were such a ladies man."

"I wasn't. I was never able to figure out what made her choose me," he said thoughtfully. "I was always painfully awkward and shy." Sawyer chuckled.

"Not too hard to imagine." Ben shrugged. "Well, there must've been somethin' about you. Maybe it was the glasses." Ben raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe."

_November 12, 1982_

She always liked to wear his glasses. Pull them off. After they'd started having sex, she did it a lot. Resting on top of him, covered in the sheets, she pull his glasses from the bedside table and put them on. "You'll get a headache," he warned. She'd just laugh and push them down to the end of her nose and sing John Lennon songs.

"_Imagine there's no heaven._"

"You are heaven," he whispered. She blushed and kissed his cheek.

_Present_

"I'll be damned. You had yourself a sweetheart." Sawyer laughed and shook his head.

"She was something..."

"Surprised you didn't knock her up the way you two went at it." Ben raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "Nah. Nah, you didn't."

"It was one time. An accident."

"Shit."

"We took care of it fairly quickly," he said quietly.

"'_Took care of it.'_ What does that mean?"

"We aborted it."

_January 5, 1983_

She cried into his shoulder and then vomited in the grass. "It's okay, Annie. It's okay."

"We did it," she said, her voice quivering. "We killed a baby."

"Annie, please, don't say it like that." She shook in his arms and sobbed, shaking her head over and over again. Saying those words. "Annie."

"Stop it! Stop it! I let you do this! I...I can't...We..."

"We did this together. We've always been in this together Annie. Please...please stop." He held her tight, her body limp in his arms. "I love you. But we...we could never..."

"I know," she said softly. "But that doesn't mean I like it."

_Present_

Sawyer shook his head. "What?"

"I just..."

"I know. I'm an ever-shifting enigma," Ben said sarcastically. "I don't know why you're surprised. We all fall in love eventually. Sometimes we get to keep it. Sometimes it slips through our fingers. That's life."

"Where is she? You kill her?"

"Why does everyone think that? If we never saw Kate again and every person asked you if you'd killed her, how would you feel?"

"You have a reputation you know." Ben rolled his eyes.

"I didn't kill her. She was sent away with her family when she was twenty. I never saw her again." Sawyer blinked.

"And that's that?"

"What else is there supposed to be?"

"You didn't run after her or go and get her?"

"She was gone. The island took her away from me. It enjoys toying with my emotions like that," he said quietly.

"Toying with...God. You really are heartless."

"I'm sorry?"

"The only woman you love leaves and you just-"

"I'm going to sleep now James. I'm sorry you had to listen to my story. I'll remember to stay quiet next time you're around." Ben rolled away from him, listening to Sawyer mumblings. The darkness wrapped around him and, for a moment, he could pretend they were together. Him and her. She was lovely. She was there, in his head. _Annie..._ The whole world could think he was a monster, but he didn't kill her. She was his everything.


End file.
